He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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