i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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