Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
