dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
