3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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