Do vagina's smell?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
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That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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