Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
