He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
