Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
