I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
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