elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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