Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
