he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
