Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
