Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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