There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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