I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
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Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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