I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
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I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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