It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
