I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
