I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
