Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
