Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
