I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
