I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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