I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
