Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
