In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
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I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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