Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
