we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
