Porn is love you can see.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
