Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
