This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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