Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
