Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
