I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
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All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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