I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
