My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
