i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
