Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
