I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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