Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
