after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
