i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
