my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
