Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
