so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
