I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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