is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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