yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
