Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
