Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
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