he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
