He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
