i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
