i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.