I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
