Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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