Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
