Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
