you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I want her autograph on my taint
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
