when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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