I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
