the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
