Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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