i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
