Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
MIDGETS
????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
