I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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