1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
