Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
