Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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