dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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