i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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