i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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