that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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