i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
