hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
