I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
