Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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