Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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